Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mother's Day

One thing that my dad did during the last few weeks of my mum's life was to buy her two diary-like books, and asking her if she had any things that she had wanted to say to him and to us (my brother and I), she could write it down in those books. Till now, everytime I think of those books, I feel a sense of regret (and I think my dad feels it more than I do), for they were (nearly) empty. She did not write anything in those books, save for a few lines, in that usually incomprehensible writing of hers (haha), of which one struck me, and has stayed with me ever since. It was along the lines of, "Weakness: must not always think I am right". Its something that has been the source of countless arguments between us down the years (some of which were my fault too), and I know how difficult it must have been for her to admit that, and I cannot imagine how she must have been suffering then, and how strong she was not to utter one word of complaint, and always trying to appear strong and cheerful, and never once did she give up.

Because as much as I regret that you didn't write anything in those books, and that I didn't get a chance to speak to you at the end, I realise that it must have been that much more difficult for you to write there. Because I think that had you done that, you would be to giving up, and I'm sure you never did give up, and I'm glad that you fought till the end.

And on this Mother's Day, I would just like to say how much you're always in my thoughts, and how much I love you, Mummy. Happy Mother's Day.

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